Never Alone

The only time I have with my thoughts is when I am in the car making
the million mile drive to or from work. Any other time involves being
followed, hearing my name shouted, anwsering all sorts of questions,
or trying to run away, which leads us right back to the followed. I
once thought in my post partium induced delerium that I thought I
would find a small measure of peace and quiet time at work. Just an
another example of what all those happy hormones can do to you.

I also had grand delusions about being alone in the bathroom at some
point again. I have come to understand this will never happen again.
You leave those days behind the moment you give birth. Not even at
work is this possible. They either follow me into the bathroom or come
in and call my name to track me down. Yes, this really is a corporate
office. If I happen to be working from home for the day and everyone
is either at work or Daycare; the damn cat will follow me in to whine
at me while I have no choice but to be a captive audience. This is my
lot in life and I have come to accept it for the most part.

Was I surprised when Buckaroo came trailing into the master bath when
I was getting ready to take a shower? No, this is part of that
acceptance I was talking about. I just went about my business while he
dragged all the pillows off my bed and ran to get his blanket so he
could be comfortable as he waited between the tub and the shower for
me to finish. I had just stepped into the shower when I heard 'Mom,
it's taking a long time.' I just laughed as I stepped under the spray.

Buckaroo was done waiting in his nest of pillows and blankets so went
off to get the toys from his bathtub to play with in mine. We had
little converstions as he ran in and out bring all his toys. Once all
the toys were in my tub he wanted a bath. I told him over the curtain
that he would get a bath in his tub when I was done with mine. More
little snips of conversation as he had to run in and out again while
bringing all his toys back to his bathroom.

I was putting the conditioner in my hair when Angel Cakes had to join
the party to tell me brother broke something glass in their sink. I
told her to tell Daddy who was downstairs about this recent
development since I was in the shower. Out she runs calling for Daddy.
A few minutes later Hubby comes in to tell me that Buckaroo broke the
porcelain cup to my dragonfly bathroom set. Why it was in the kids
bathroom is beyond me, but is is now broken. Wonderful! Wash my face
and I am finally done with my shower. Angel Cakes hands me my towel
and I get out. That was a long twenty minutes.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Ready for Whiplash?

So I feel like it is time to introduce you to the love affair that
Hubby has with his music. Please grab some pain killers, fasten your
seatbelts, and keep your arms and head inside at all times. I
apologize in advance, but assume no responsible for any headache or
whiplash you suffer by reading this. If by some chance this post makes
your head explode, I will send s really nice arrangement to your
family. If I thought it would make it easier to understand I would
use the bands real names I would, but trust me is wouldn't make it any
less confusing. So I am going to refer to the bands only by their
initials.

Hubby is currently in three bands. Yes, you read that right three.
There is Band A (seriously, I can never remember the name so it is
Band A) Band TS is his second band and is just getting off the ground.
Band C (I don't know if it even has a name) is a band of proffesional
musicans who only book corporate gigs or weddings.

Band A has been an area band for a few years and he was asked to join
when the former lead guitar player left. He has been with them for
about 6 months or so and they play two or three shows a month. They
practice every Tuesday night Band TS was formed with the lead singer
of Band S (which Hubby was in) that self destructed after she turned
down an opportunity to go to Nashville to record a demo for a major
label. She has a young son (a few months old at the time of the offer)
that she was reluctant to put through that craziness. They just got
the last person in and are looking to book about one show a month They
practice every Monday night. Band C is a loose assocation that plays
together whenever they have a show, no practice because it is all
songs they could play in their sleep.

He was in two (I think it was only two) other bands during the last
year and is no longer with them. Band S self destructed after they won
the New Band Of The Year from the Area Music Industry and the singer
turned down the demo offer. Band UKW he was with for a few years and
they used to practice at our house. He left because of personality
conflicts with the singer and they just weren't booking many shows. I
was not sorry. No more way too loud practies while I was trying to
work or the kids were trying to nap.

Do you have a splitting headache yet? No? Ok, well let's continue then.

He has had several offers in the past few months from other bands. One
offer came from Band SH. When we first started dating, he dreamed of
playing with them. They were an up and coming band and he thought it
would be the perfect band to get back into the music screen again and
he could go places with them. When they called, he turned them down.
He wasn't willing to leave his current bands for what he now sees as a
stagnant band.

Enter Band TM. This is the one that is on the edge of going National,
but currently play about a five state radious consistently. There
every move is coordinated and approved through the agent. They have
shows almost every Friday and Saturday night. The other members of the
band don't have day jobs because they don't need to. They never have
practice because they don't need to. He sent his demo to them 4 months
ago and never heard anything. He was introduced to them in person a
few weeks ago when they played at our local bar\club. Remember? Yeah,
them.

Well they emailed him the other night and the agent called him today.
He is going out next week to practice with them, but he is booked for
three shows in March with them!!!! They didn't promise anything past
that since they haven't played with him yet, but OMG!!!! All the shows
are Friday nights. One of the shows is about 200 miles south of us.
Since they won't be done playing until 2:30 AM, the agent has arranged
for a hotel for the night, completely paid for of course. If things
work out with TM he will quit the other bands, both because he will be
under contract and he wouldn't have the time.

He was conflicted about the email because there weren't any details,
and he has come to think of the singer in Band TS as like a sister. He
hates to leave her when the project they dreamed up together is just
getting off the ground, but how can he refuse this offer?

Things are definitely looking good and it seems like all the hours and
nights away are starting to pay off. I couldn't be happier for him
since I know this has been his dream. A dream he wasn't free to
concentrate on during his prior marraige. For all that I bitch and
complain about his bands, it is a dream I have always tried to
support. So think good thoughts for him that the next month goes well.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Conversation with Angel Cakes

The following conversation took place tonight with Angel Cakes.

AC: Mommy! I got to be a mommy today.

Me: You did?

AC: Yep. Daycare Lady had to go downstairs and I got to watch the baby
and she didn't even cry! (The baby is 18 months old.)

Me: Wow!

AC: Yeah, she had a string with a balloon tied to her ear and she
pulled on it and I think she tore her ear a little.

Me: Why did she have a string with a balloon tied to her ear?

AC: Because she has holes in her ears with hoops.

Me: *stern voice* Why did she have a string with a balloon tied to her ear?

AC: Well the air was coming out.

Me: *seriously concerned now* Who tied it to her ear?

AC: Daycare Lady's daughter.

Me: Did she get in trouble? That is really dangerous and you should
never do that. Baby could get really hurt.

AC: No, she didn't get in trouble.

Me: *Thinking yeah, that is pretty much par for the course* Well that
was really naughty.

AC: You are a better mommy then her. She would have been in really big
trouble if you were her Mommy.

Me: Yes, she would have.

AC: If you were Daycare Lady you would have a lot of kids.

Me: Yep.

AC: You would have Daycare Lady's daughter and son, me, and brother.
And me and her daughter could be like twins. We both have curly hair
and when I get older you won't be able to tell us apart. (Daycare
Lady's kids are 9 or 10 year old twins.)

Gotta love the twists and turns a conversation with a five year old
takes. Kinda reminds of of some bloggers I know and love. :)

--
Sent from my mobile device

It's Potty Time

We don't have the over or under fight in my house anymore. Instead you
hear phrases like 'Bring toilet paper with you.' This is one of the
most commonly heard phrases around my house followed closely with
'Mom, Can you bring me some toilet paper please?'

No, we don't expect people to bring toilet paper when they come visit.
We are more then happy to supply it. We just don't keep toilet paper
in the bathroom anymore. After walking into the bathroom to an
overflowing toilet more times then I care to remember in the last
three months, this is what we resort to. My house is only 4 years old
and it has had enough toilet paper shoved down its drain for 50 years.
I only wish I was kidding. I couldn't understand why I was having to
buy a 12 pack of toilet paper every two weeks. There are only four of
us, we are gone most of the week, how do we go through so much toilet
paper? My kids think it takes half a roll of toilet paper to get clean
after going pee.

What upsets me so much is they just keep doing it and don't tell me.
They just keep trying to flush the toilet and I am only alerted to the
problem when I see the water on the floor heading to the hallway. So
now if they go to the bathroom they have to ask for toilet paper. I
HATE it!!!! My kids are too smart and too old for this, but we are at
our wits end. We have tried talking to them, putting them in the
naughty corner, taking away toys, and even tried having me standing in
there to make sure they don't use too much. Everything will be fine
for a few days or maybe a week, and we think we are past it, and then
it happens again.

There is just something about waking up in the middle of the night
when you really have to pee and finding the toilet full of water and
ready to overflow to start your day. Thankfully we have two other
bathrooms that haven't experianced this phenomenon. We know we are
going to have to bring a plumber in just to make sure there are no
clogs in the drain even if we don't have any more overflowing toilets
for the next year, but I would prefer it not to be an emergency call.

Don't worry, we intend on having the plumber out real soon so you
don't have to worry that if you flush it might overflow, and we put
toilet paper in the bathrooms when we have company so if you visit you
won't have to beg for toilet paper before you go. Unless you are my
sister in law who flooded my toilet in my apartment almost 8 years
ago; you, I still don't trust.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Angel Cakes On Babies

Following is a conversation I had with Angel Cakes this morning.

AC: Mommy, if Kitty had babies we could give them away.

Me: Yes we could.

AC: Why didn't you let Kitty have babies?

Me: Well we would need a Daddy kitty, and we don't have a Daddy kitty.

AC: Well you know Angel,
Daycare Lady's white dog? She's a girl. And she had babies for like
one day and then Daycare Lady gave them away. :Sad face: And Sandy
Daycare Lady big tan dog? Well, she's a girl.

Me: Yes, they are.

AC: Well since Angel had babies and they are both girls, you don't
really need to have a Daddy dog to have babies.

And that kid logic is the perfect way to start a lazy Sunday morning.

--
Sent from my mobile device

I'm Fat

I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of my gas station where it
rightfully belongs. Yep, the muffin top hanging over my pants is not a
result of my lack of will power or my inactivity. It is Lance's fault
for introducing me to the Vienna Cream Danish.

Seriously they are evil. I bought one on a whim a few months back. I
took a bite out of its flaky crust and the slightly sweet creamy
filling exploded on my tounge. I was hooked. I had to have more. One
day against my better judgement, I read the nutritional information on
the back and then wished I hadn't. These amazing danishes have 240
calories. Oh wait, that is for half of it. This means I either have to
develop some will power or share the other half with a friend, and let
me tell you that sweet goodness is all mine! So I actually ignored
them for a few days.

Then they started putting them in a basket right by the coffee pots.
Seriously, how can I ignore them when they are right next my love, my
lifeblood, my reason for getting my ass out of the house in the
morning? Now I know they are out to get me and being fat is all Lance
and Pat's fault. I try to tell them they are mean and sadistic but
they just smile and laugh because they know I will be in tomorrow to
get my fix. If by some miracle I find a way to ignore the danishes,
they know I will still be in every morning to get the amazing
addiction that truely rules and powers my world.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Naught corners are the place to be

I am not cheating today, I am giving you a special post here and I put a different one on my other blog because I am such a giver. :)

If you are wondering my about my other blog address you will have to do what Barista did and ask nicely. I will send you a link through email.

In other and more interesting news.
Buckaroo has been getting into trouble at Daycare lately. He seems to be saying all the four letter words that tend to slip out of grown ups mouths when there are young impressionable kids around to parrot them back later.

He went to the corner today for saying Shit constantly. When Daycare lady talked to him about it the following conversation ensued:

Daycare: That is a very naughty word. You have to go to the corner for saying that.
Buckaroo: I know. I get in trouble for saying it at home to.
Daycare: So why do you keep saying it if you know it is naughty?
Buckaroo: Because it's fun to say.
And then he went to the corner with a smirk on his face.

Yeah, I am in big big trouble come the teenage years. My kids are going to make me look like I was an honor student which I know you will be shocked to find out I was not. :)

Hi Everyone

I'm back! Did you miss me? Of course you did and that is why I am back. I took a break and have been posting on my other blog that I was able to download an app for my blackberry so posting and updating is super easy. Anyway, I am back here be popular demand.

While I was away I did keep an eye on my stats and everyone seems to suddenly looking for or finding me here. So quick shout out to my new friends\readers from Moscow and other places through out the world who have been stalking my blog. Welcome to my special kind of crazy. Thank you for stopping by again and again and again. :)

I will begin updating here on a more regular basis starting tomorrow. Who knows, I might cheat and steal some of my posts from my other blog just to catch you up on my life while I was away because I know you can't go on living your happy lives until I do.

Smooches!

Blogging

I think reading someones personal blog is like reading their diary. You are reading their inner most thoughts and feelings. You get little glimpses into their lives, you don't always see the whole picture, just little snatches in time that are captured and frozen. It is also just their side. The person they are writing about has the option of commenting on the post though. I am talking about blogs like this, not the ones people write for entertainment or publication. I have no problem with blogs like that, I read several everyday.


In my case, it is what I am feeling at exactly that moment, right or wrong. I write as a way to cope. It is my way of analyzing and understanding my feelings. It helps me understand what is going on and allows me to see if I am being irrational. I don't write for my readers with very few exceptions. This is my space to write what I want when I want without worrying about offending someone. This is my form of therapy.

It is for that exact reason Hubby and my best friend don't read my blog. They know I write one, but understand and respect that it is my space. They know that if I want them to know what I wrote about that I will tell them about it. We have a conversation about it and they express their thoughts and feelings. People like Barista, who I have come to think of as a friend comment on my blog, others email me to express their thoughts. Either way is fine and I appreciate their insight.

I know I am putting my diary out for the world to see. It is a choice I made when I created my blog. I put my thoughts and feelings out there and refuse to take a post down once I post it. It is for that exact reason I don't post everything I write. Some things are just too personal. Somethings I don't want anyone else to comment on or discuss.

My blog is not my way of keeping the world updated on my life, it is my journal. My way of keeping sane. So if I have offended you at some point it was not my intention, but I refuse to change it.

Yay! More Training

I have a short early morning training planned for the department
tomorrow. We have an hour and a half to cover three topics. Boss Lady
had me set the itinerary, create the handout material, and exercises
for the associates since this is a hands on training. This is not the
first time I have done these things, but it is the first time without
any support or input from her at all. She didn't even reviewed the
adgenda before I sent it to print. I finalized the material late this
afternoon and received the printed material about an hour before I
left.

I have trained a lot in the last year and know the key to a good
training session like this is the prep. I went down to prep the room
we will be in and found that someone scheduled a last minute training
until 5 PM. He has the room after us tomorrow as well. I went back to
my desk to finish prepping the material and realized I forgot to
create a document. Twenty minutes later I sent that to the local
printer and made the thirty copies I need.

Tell Boss Lady I am going to drop off the material and check the room
on my way out. We chat for a few minutes and then she drops the bomb.
Our IT support staff will be sitting in the training and so will the
VP, Senior VP, and Teasurer. Ummm, ok.

Get down to the training room to drop off my stuff for the morning.
The guy left his stuff all over. I can't test the projection screen
because his stupid laptop is still hooked up to it. Damn it! I have to
assume it works. Clean and organize the room the best I can before I
turn my attention to the computers. I hard reboot half the computers
because his people are still signed into them but I don't care at this
point. I mean this is just rediculios. One of the other computers I
boot up to test displays an error message, a hard drive failure is
eminent. Really? I don't need this shit. Next two computers boot up
nicely. Third one, black screen. Check all the connections, moniter is
functioning, reboot again and still nothing. Can I catch a break here?
No, IT is gone for the day. They don't start arriving until half an
hour before my training starts.

I'm going home because there is nothing else I can do tonight. I hope
to have a relaxing night and to sleep well so I will be ready to takle
anything else that might come up tomorrow. Wish me luck.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Interviewing Woes

I can't believe I keep forgetting to tell you.
Boss lady and I have been interviewing people for an open position in
my department. We inteviewed enough people for the position that I
write notes of my impressions once I am done with the interview just
to keep them all straight. Last week, or was it two weeks ago? We
interviewed a lady I loved! She would be a perfect fit. Enough
technical experiance to need a minimum of training, very personable,
independent enough not to need baby sitting; she hit all my key
points. After I interviewed her it was time for Boss Lady go in to
form her opinion. I went home since it was late and hubby had band
practice. I was tempted to call Boss Lady on the way home and tell her
to hire this women right now, tonight, I want to start training her in
the morning. Boss Lady came by my desk the next morning as soon as I
got in to find out my opinion. She was tempted to call me after she
finished the interview because she felt the same way.

The director of our new system put the same system in at the company
that was her last long term position. This is a company that my
company have a very symbiotic relationship with; they buy from us and
we buy from them. We gave her name to the director to see if he
recognized it, but he never responded, so we assumed he didn't. We got
approval from the powers that be, and had HR get started on checking
her references. Since we have such a great relationship with this
other company, HR called them also even though it was three positions
ago. Damn good thing they did. Turns out not long after the other
company implemented the system, there was a scandal in the AR
department. We knew some of this from the director, but it was kept
very quiet. Yeah, so this lady that we were so excited about; not only
was she involved, her and her mother-in-law were two of the
instigators.

The funny part of all this? During the interview she constantly
referred to her job at the other company and how highly they thought
of her. She also mentioned to both of us that she was the person
responsible for applying my companies payments. She was obviously
aware of our relationship, but for whatever reason didn't think we
would call them. So let the interviews continue.

The temp who all but called me a liar is going to be let go. There
have been enough problems with his work and attitude that we decided
that he is more of a hinderance then help. I was able to reach in my
file of people we interviewed and find someone that we liked, but
didn't feel would be a good fit for the position we interviewed her
for, but she would be great for this other position. So we are putting
in the request and hope her references check out.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Hair Update

I look in the mirror and see a stranger. I am still really upset by
how short it is vs what I asked for. Leaving that aside, I had a lot
of reactions from people at work. My hair is the latest gossip I
guess. Every one is so used to seeng me with long or shoulder lentgh
hair after I've donated it, that this caused quite a stir today.

I had several people that heard others talking about my hair or seen
me walk down the hall stop at my desk to comment on it. They are
people I say hi to in the hall or see in the elevator, but don't
really know or work with. The extra attention feels pretty good
because everyone has such positive things to say, but it also makes me
more conscience of how short it is. Adding to it is that I didn't do
anything with it today.

I woke up 15 minutes after the time I normally leave. Since my hair
was washed three times yesterday, I didn't wash it today before
running out the door. I washed it in the shower before leaving for the
salon, they insisted on washing it again at the salon, and I washed it
again when I got home yesterday. So out the door I went with my new
slept in hair. I didn't even run a brush through it before I walked in
the door at work. It does get points for that at least.

I had a few people tell me they liked it, but I could tell it was more
the obligatory nice then the genuine nice. It was mostly from the
people who loved my hair long and threatened to cut it off for
themselves though. There were more compliments where they were so
shocked you could tell didn't realize what they were saying or seeing.
My favorite one, that makes me smile every time I think about it came
from my twenty something coworker as she was walking in the door. When
seeing me walk down the hall, she first had to call out my name to
make sure it was really me, then said 'It actually looks good!' I
laughed so hard, you could tell she didn't mean it the way it sounded,
she was just so shocked.

I was prepared for the mixed reviews, what I can't believe is how many
people asked me what my hubby thought. You could tell some were
concerned that Hubby would hate it, but the others were the ones that
made me laugh. Their tone implied that I would need his approval to
get my hair cut this short. I really hope I don't talk about Hubby in
such a way that all those people didn't think he would be anything but
supportive of anything I do. Yes, we have our fights and he can be an
inconsiderate jerk sometimes, but so can I. I may hate him and his
bands at times, but there are just as many times as he hates me and my
job. Its called being married. More then anything we love each other
and support each other.

I don't think I will know his true opinion on my hair for months.
Right now he knows I am too upset and need him to be loving and
compliment the shit out of it, because there really is nothing I can
do about it until it grows out some. So he will continue to let me put
my head on his chest and whine that I want my hair back. He may tease
and say that he is my bitch now that my hair is shorter then his, but
only when I am already laughing.

Damn it, how did this post go from all about me to being about him?
Anyway, I am still going to give it a few weeks for me to get
accustomed to my hair and learn to do something with it, and then
maybe I will feel brave enough to post a shot of the front. I will
make a decision when I am not PMSy. Now where did that chocolate go?

--
Sent from my mobile device

A Special Thank You

It occurred to me that I have blogged a lot about my kids, work, my hair, etc, but failed at the most important post. A few months back I wrote a post about work (yes, I see you're shocked) and asked for help. That request was answered as it always is by a special blogger, Barista at Saved By The Brew. She gave me great advice. It has been in the back of my mind since and I don't think I would be considered for the postions I am without it.


She helped me find a way to relate and work well with my boss. The requested lunch never happened but we are at each others desks constantly now, talking about the department, bouncing ideas off each other, and asking each other for help.

Barista has also been my biggest supporter. She always leaves me funny or thought provoking comments, or just a comment to let me know that some one other then me is reading my drivel. I know others are out there lurking, and that is okay to. Have you read her blog yet? Well why the hell not? She is fabulous! She gives little updates through out the day that are just what you need when you need a quick break. She writes with a honesty that leaves me in awe. Her unique way of writing about everyday life will leave you eagerly awaiting her next post.

That's not enough for you? Well she also bakes the most awesome cupcakes. I swear I am jealous of all the people who live in Atlanta and can have her cupcakes whenever they want. Honestly, I have asked my boss on several occasions to send me down to our warehouse there just so I have an excuse to go down where I can get my hands on her cupcakes. Okay, I totally didn't mean that last sentance the way it sounded. I do want cupcakes in all her tempting flavors though.

So while I don't have a great shiny award that you can post on your blog, I do want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, for reading my blog, writing your blog, and being the fabulous person you are. You have made a great impact in my life. You are a very special person and I feel truely blessed by knowing you. I look forward to reading about you finding the wonderful and special man who deserves you and will give you the babies you will be an awesome mother to. How could I not also mention I want to be the first to know when you find a way to ship your cupcakes!!!!