I hurt. From head to toe and everywhere in between. I feel better after the 3 hour nap my son and I had but am paying for it now. My daughter wasn't tired, so I told her she didn't have to nap as long as she had quiet time. Why did I do this? I felt like I was hungover even though I didn't anything to drink. Chalk it up to days without sleep, constant stress and running. So now I get to clean up the huge bottle
Of baby powder that she spread everywhere and played baker with.
I left my house at 6 AM Tue and didn't return until 11 PM Wed. I went to work and then straight to the hospital. They started the pitocen at 9 PM Tuesday night and I didn't leave her side until I was leaving to go home. My mom and her husband were useless.
They were upsetting and stressing her more then they were helping. I was ready to send them out of the room if they didn't stay quiet. Instead of encouraging her and telling her how good she was doing, they kept telling her that she would deliver any minute. They were telling her that for over two hours. Her pain meds had started to wear off at 8 centimeters and she wanted to push. I calmed her down and talked soothing to her and she wouldn't let go of my hand.
When it came time to push finally she was tired but came through like a champ. Her husband counted for her while I encouraged her and helped her push. It took about an hour and then her beautiful son was born.
I finally came home knowing that twenty people would arrive at my house at 2 PM. My husband did what he could, but he had the kids to deal with so there was lots left to do before I could start cooking.
My day started at 6 AM and everything was done and food was in the oven when the seven other kids decended on my house with their parents and grandparents. Just having nine kids makes for a loud house, but of the nine kids six of them were five and under.
I was kept running by making sure the food was cooking properly and everyone had everything they needed. I am sure I wasn't the best hostess, but it had been a long couple of days. I think I was entirely justified in getting a little upset a few times. I like fresh naked bread as much as anyone else, but not when you try to cut it on my counter with nothing under it! I mean fucking really!? And is it too much to ask that you occasionally pay attention to your kids? If they are shreeking at the top of their lungs and you don't say something, don't get upset when I or someone else does.
As much as I deserved, needed, and probably should have had a drink, I didn't. I was scared that without the coffee I started drinking Tuesday morning and hadn't stopped drinking since I would fall on my face in exhaustion. Everyone was shoved out the door to their respective homes by 8 PM and my house was asleep by 9.
Perversely, I am looking foward to going into work tomorrow so I can relax. I don't even mind that I will again be up at 6 AM on a Saturday to do it.
November 27, 2009
November 25, 2009
new arrival
A sweet baby boy was born at 7:39 PM. He is a little bit of nothing at 6 lbs 2 oz, but has the legs his mama doesn't at 20 and a half inches long.
Mama is tired after 22 hours, but is resting well. She did amazing! I feel honored to have been there and to give what comfort I could during such a stressful, wonderful time.
It was gut wrenching to leave my sister at the hospital but I am heading home to see my family after a long couple of days to clean and cook in preparation of having 20 people at my house tomorrow.
All I can say is that I feel trielt blessed and have more to feel thankful for then can ever be expessed.
Mama is tired after 22 hours, but is resting well. She did amazing! I feel honored to have been there and to give what comfort I could during such a stressful, wonderful time.
It was gut wrenching to leave my sister at the hospital but I am heading home to see my family after a long couple of days to clean and cook in preparation of having 20 people at my house tomorrow.
All I can say is that I feel trielt blessed and have more to feel thankful for then can ever be expessed.
Waiting
I am at the hospital waiting. My sister was induced last night so we spent the night waiting. I refused to go home with my mom and her husband because I didn't want her to be alone and I glad I stayed. I think she is glad I stayed.
So we are playing the waiting game. Waiting for her husband and mom. Waiting for her to dialate. Waiting to go change my clothes.waiting for ANYONE to show because I haven't had a cigarette in over 12 hours and I don't have a patch on!
She is at one and a half centimeters so it looks like it will be a long day. I will update later when I have news.
So we are playing the waiting game. Waiting for her husband and mom. Waiting for her to dialate. Waiting to go change my clothes.waiting for ANYONE to show because I haven't had a cigarette in over 12 hours and I don't have a patch on!
She is at one and a half centimeters so it looks like it will be a long day. I will update later when I have news.
November 22, 2009
my promise
Why did I start blogging? This is been brought home to me since I mentioned my blog to my sister in law who promptly asked to read it.
I started blogging to get out of my own head. I never intended my blog to be something I would share with my family. It was going to be a place where I could write whatever I was thinking or feeling without worrying about what people thought. I also wanted to connect with people outside of my circle of family and work. I have a few people I consider really close friends, but not a lot.
I feel like I lost the ability to connect with people outside of these areas. It was once as natural as beathing to me. I would meet someone and within an hour I knew their life story. Now I don't know how to put myself out there enough to form that bond. I feel like I come across as prickly, and hard to talk to.
What changed? I don't know. Maybe is was getting pregnant and being on restricted bedrest. Maybe it is a combination of working too many hours and driving so far that I no longer have the free time to do things and just get outside of the house.I spend my time at work running from person to person or sitting at my desk trying to do eight hours of work into the two hours of time I am left between interuptions. This doesn't leave a lot of time for socializing. When I am at home there is dinner to make, baths to give, and kids to put to bed. Hubby and I don't much chance to talk about things that aren't related to our schedules, I work too much, he has commitments with band, and the kids. This has become our life.
I am not sure if I am suffering from a different form of depression then I dealt with as a teenager, or if it is just I am too introverted. Is the depression causing me to be introverted or is it something else?
I am not a big fan of taking medication given my family history of drug and alcohol abuse, but if it will help I'll do it. I understand the science behind mental illness and that it is easy to treat with medication, that is not my issue. I have seen therapists at different times of my life, most recently when I was divorcing ex husband and believe that it can do a lot of good. I just don't know how to fit it into my already too crowded schedule.
And to be honest I am scared. I don't want to admit how screwed up my life is right now. I don't want to admit that I know I am being irrational sometimes, but I feel powerless to stop it. So I thought I would start a blog to get all of this out, to see if that helps before I call a therapist or start a medication.
But I haven't written about it. I have let my fear and insecurities stop me from using this as the outlet I intended. My need to coonect with people has given me another excuse to not put myself and all my messy icky feeling out there. People want funny and entertaining, not my fucked feelings right? Well that isn't working so I guess now I need to do the hard part and really stop lying to myself about what I need and feel. I am not going to rush to make an appointment with a therapist, but I am going to start blogging for me. To get all the crap out of my head.
I am also not going to share my blog address with my sister in law. Its not that I don't think she will understand, I think we could become really great friends if I let us. But that I am not strong enough to share that much of myself right now. So I will call her more to just hang out and blog about the things I am not willing to share with my family and friends.
I am going to hit post before I lose my nerve and delete this or regulate it to my draft file. Sorry if I offend anyone going forward.
I started blogging to get out of my own head. I never intended my blog to be something I would share with my family. It was going to be a place where I could write whatever I was thinking or feeling without worrying about what people thought. I also wanted to connect with people outside of my circle of family and work. I have a few people I consider really close friends, but not a lot.
I feel like I lost the ability to connect with people outside of these areas. It was once as natural as beathing to me. I would meet someone and within an hour I knew their life story. Now I don't know how to put myself out there enough to form that bond. I feel like I come across as prickly, and hard to talk to.
What changed? I don't know. Maybe is was getting pregnant and being on restricted bedrest. Maybe it is a combination of working too many hours and driving so far that I no longer have the free time to do things and just get outside of the house.I spend my time at work running from person to person or sitting at my desk trying to do eight hours of work into the two hours of time I am left between interuptions. This doesn't leave a lot of time for socializing. When I am at home there is dinner to make, baths to give, and kids to put to bed. Hubby and I don't much chance to talk about things that aren't related to our schedules, I work too much, he has commitments with band, and the kids. This has become our life.
I am not sure if I am suffering from a different form of depression then I dealt with as a teenager, or if it is just I am too introverted. Is the depression causing me to be introverted or is it something else?
I am not a big fan of taking medication given my family history of drug and alcohol abuse, but if it will help I'll do it. I understand the science behind mental illness and that it is easy to treat with medication, that is not my issue. I have seen therapists at different times of my life, most recently when I was divorcing ex husband and believe that it can do a lot of good. I just don't know how to fit it into my already too crowded schedule.
And to be honest I am scared. I don't want to admit how screwed up my life is right now. I don't want to admit that I know I am being irrational sometimes, but I feel powerless to stop it. So I thought I would start a blog to get all of this out, to see if that helps before I call a therapist or start a medication.
But I haven't written about it. I have let my fear and insecurities stop me from using this as the outlet I intended. My need to coonect with people has given me another excuse to not put myself and all my messy icky feeling out there. People want funny and entertaining, not my fucked feelings right? Well that isn't working so I guess now I need to do the hard part and really stop lying to myself about what I need and feel. I am not going to rush to make an appointment with a therapist, but I am going to start blogging for me. To get all the crap out of my head.
I am also not going to share my blog address with my sister in law. Its not that I don't think she will understand, I think we could become really great friends if I let us. But that I am not strong enough to share that much of myself right now. So I will call her more to just hang out and blog about the things I am not willing to share with my family and friends.
I am going to hit post before I lose my nerve and delete this or regulate it to my draft file. Sorry if I offend anyone going forward.
November 19, 2009
Happy Birthday Angel
Happy birthday sweetheart!
It has been five years since I waddled into the doctors office for our last check up. Even before you were born you refused to conform to anyones expectations. You put us on notice that any plans we made were subject to your approval. I will never forget the look on Daddy's face when the doctor said you were going to be born today instead of the following Monday as planned. It was a cross between excitement, wonder and fear. I just laid on the table freaking out for a minute. Excitement at finally seeing your beautiful face waged war against the overwhelming fear I felt. In typical Mommy fashion after my initial freak the hell out, I calmed down and waited to finally meet the wonderful baby girl who turned my world upside down and inside out.
It has been a year of many changes and you have grown so much.
I can't belive you turn five today.
It has been five years since I waddled into the doctors office for our last check up. Even before you were born you refused to conform to anyones expectations. You put us on notice that any plans we made were subject to your approval. I will never forget the look on Daddy's face when the doctor said you were going to be born today instead of the following Monday as planned. It was a cross between excitement, wonder and fear. I just laid on the table freaking out for a minute. Excitement at finally seeing your beautiful face waged war against the overwhelming fear I felt. In typical Mommy fashion after my initial freak the hell out, I calmed down and waited to finally meet the wonderful baby girl who turned my world upside down and inside out.
It has been a year of many changes and you have grown so much.
You are still my studious girl who can't wait to start school next year.
Who isn't afraid of bugs and loves anything outside.
Who does things her way! Who says you can't garden in a bathing suit?
My beautiful ballarina.
Who rides on two wheels.
You will never cease to amaze Daddy and I. We love you more then anything!
November 13, 2009
Crazy Days In Sight
Today is going to be a hard day. On my calendar is the System Conversion Recognition lunch. The lunch is the companies way of saying thank you and we will get an award to show how fabulous we are. While I do think those of us who poured our souls into it and put our lives on hold to do the project deserve it and a whole lot more, I am not sure I want to go.
This is supposed to be a celebration of all we accomplished. A way to let go of some of the tension and craziness that comes with putting thirty people in a room and working seventy hour weeks for months on end. Others rotated in and out to complete their portions or as we needed them, but for thirty of us, that room was our home. We saw more of that room and each other then we did of our homes and families.
This lunch was rescheduled due to the untimely passing of my supervisor Debbie. She was one of the thirty. She was the heart and soul of this project for my department. The last time the remaining twenty nine of us gathered it was at her funeral.
This lunch was sent out as an open invitation to anyone who worked on the project. A total of about one hundred or so of us. I just am not sure I am strong enough to go. I am not sure I can go without reliving the loss of a great friend and unofficial mentor. How will I feel when I see the others celebrating and laughing not possibly not understanding what this lunch means to those of us who worked so closely with her and still keep expecting to see her?
I keep hearing her voice in my head telling me to go, that we deserve this as she did so many times throught the project. My manager who also worked on the project will not be going. She is encouraging me to go also. If Debbie were here I would go without hesitation. I guess I just don't know if by going I am honoring or betraying her memory.
This is supposed to be a celebration of all we accomplished. A way to let go of some of the tension and craziness that comes with putting thirty people in a room and working seventy hour weeks for months on end. Others rotated in and out to complete their portions or as we needed them, but for thirty of us, that room was our home. We saw more of that room and each other then we did of our homes and families.
This lunch was rescheduled due to the untimely passing of my supervisor Debbie. She was one of the thirty. She was the heart and soul of this project for my department. The last time the remaining twenty nine of us gathered it was at her funeral.
This lunch was sent out as an open invitation to anyone who worked on the project. A total of about one hundred or so of us. I just am not sure I am strong enough to go. I am not sure I can go without reliving the loss of a great friend and unofficial mentor. How will I feel when I see the others celebrating and laughing not possibly not understanding what this lunch means to those of us who worked so closely with her and still keep expecting to see her?
I keep hearing her voice in my head telling me to go, that we deserve this as she did so many times throught the project. My manager who also worked on the project will not be going. She is encouraging me to go also. If Debbie were here I would go without hesitation. I guess I just don't know if by going I am honoring or betraying her memory.
November 11, 2009
Love Letter
Dear November,
Just when I think I am ready to end the on\off love affair we have, you give me a morning like today.
I was done with you yesterday. Not the I'm mad at you and gonna sulk until you pay attention to me done. Not the I just need to be mad for a while and then I will get over it done. Completely done!
Done with the adjustment to day light savings time. Done with your one day warm, and the next freezing. The crazy busy schedule that comes with every day another birthday or holiday. But most of all done with the fall cleaning. The cleaning that my husband feels is necessary every November because we host a birthday party and Thanksgiving just weeks apart.
Cleaning that means every inch of the house has to be taken apart and scrubbed. Not just the obvious places and things. I mean taking everything out of the cabinets, scrubbing the cabinets, washing every dish even though it was just washed the prior day before it is allowed back into the now pristine cabinet. Washing all the windows and walls!
The satisfaction that comes when we are done pales to the amount of time and energy expounded becuase within a day the toys have crept back into the family room, and the dresser drawers are a mess again from the kids pawing through them looking for clothes. I know the carpets will have to be steam cleaned again the morning of the birthday party or Thanksgiving. Not because they are dirty, but so they look just right when people arrive.
I allowed my aggrivation with cleaning, crazy schedules and stupid traffic blind me to your beauty November.
The beauty that comes when even though the trees are mostly bare, the ground is carpeted in leaves. The way the sun just coming up takes up the entire horizion as a red ball without being blinding. When fog shrouds the fields and appears to soften everything it touches.
November, I love the smell of apple pie baked with apples picked fresh from the orchard. The love and the laughter that comes when the entire family is gathered for the holidays. You may not blanket the ground in snow and make everything look pristine like December does. However, you do give us days when we wake up to frost covering our windows and the ground, but at lunchtime we can go out without a coat.
So November, my sweet November, I am not done with you. Even though I get moody and may not like you every day, I will miss you when you are gone.
Just when I think I am ready to end the on\off love affair we have, you give me a morning like today.
I was done with you yesterday. Not the I'm mad at you and gonna sulk until you pay attention to me done. Not the I just need to be mad for a while and then I will get over it done. Completely done!
Done with the adjustment to day light savings time. Done with your one day warm, and the next freezing. The crazy busy schedule that comes with every day another birthday or holiday. But most of all done with the fall cleaning. The cleaning that my husband feels is necessary every November because we host a birthday party and Thanksgiving just weeks apart.
Cleaning that means every inch of the house has to be taken apart and scrubbed. Not just the obvious places and things. I mean taking everything out of the cabinets, scrubbing the cabinets, washing every dish even though it was just washed the prior day before it is allowed back into the now pristine cabinet. Washing all the windows and walls!
The satisfaction that comes when we are done pales to the amount of time and energy expounded becuase within a day the toys have crept back into the family room, and the dresser drawers are a mess again from the kids pawing through them looking for clothes. I know the carpets will have to be steam cleaned again the morning of the birthday party or Thanksgiving. Not because they are dirty, but so they look just right when people arrive.
I allowed my aggrivation with cleaning, crazy schedules and stupid traffic blind me to your beauty November.
The beauty that comes when even though the trees are mostly bare, the ground is carpeted in leaves. The way the sun just coming up takes up the entire horizion as a red ball without being blinding. When fog shrouds the fields and appears to soften everything it touches.
November, I love the smell of apple pie baked with apples picked fresh from the orchard. The love and the laughter that comes when the entire family is gathered for the holidays. You may not blanket the ground in snow and make everything look pristine like December does. However, you do give us days when we wake up to frost covering our windows and the ground, but at lunchtime we can go out without a coat.
So November, my sweet November, I am not done with you. Even though I get moody and may not like you every day, I will miss you when you are gone.
November 9, 2009
Boys Are Dumb!
My husband drove my van this weekend.
I HATE when he drives my van!!!!!
I know we only bought the damn thing because he needed something he so he can transport all of his equipment to shows and back; but I still hate it. I will spend the next week getting everything back the way it was. He is only 5 inches taller then I am, which is enough to mess up everything.
I had it easy with my ex husband. He was over a foot taller then me so other then pushing the seat all the way back, he just flipped the rearview mirror up. As in flipping the little switch thing that you do when someones lights are blinding you. He didn't mess with anything else.
Current husband is not content with that. He moves everything! Not just the rearview and side mirrors, the seat is moved and tilted back. He adjusts the steering wheel, moves my arm rest, and changes my radio station! Because that is not enough aggrevation, he also moves my stuff. By stuff I mean my laptop bag, my coffee carrier, sunglasses etc. I keep my stuff organized in such a way that I can grab it driving 85 while reading my messages without taking my eyes off the road and my phone.
Doesn't he know he is going to cause me to have an accident! Does he care? No! He thinks I should be keeping my eyes on the road to look out for cows. It was only one cow, one time! No, I didn't hit a cow, or any other animal, but I did have to avoid a cow in the road once. You learn to expect things like this when you live in a cornfield.
To add insult to injury he left the van on E. It is 10 miles to the nearest gas station and after I pull out of my driveway the gas light came on. Really!? He must have past 15 gas stations on his way home, but does he stop at one? No! Instead I drive to the gas station hoping I don't run out of gas and end up stranded on a country road with only cows and chickens to keep me company.
Why? Because Boys Are Dumb! My now 5 year old daughter once said this a few year ago and my sister and I latched onto it and use it for anything boy related. My hubby accepts this as his fate in life and doesn't fight it too much around my daughter. He is happy that she thinks boys are dumb. He would like to encourage her to think this way until she is at least 30 and out of his house.
We'll see how well that works out for him. After all she is my daughter so, God help the boys.
I HATE when he drives my van!!!!!
I know we only bought the damn thing because he needed something he so he can transport all of his equipment to shows and back; but I still hate it. I will spend the next week getting everything back the way it was. He is only 5 inches taller then I am, which is enough to mess up everything.
I had it easy with my ex husband. He was over a foot taller then me so other then pushing the seat all the way back, he just flipped the rearview mirror up. As in flipping the little switch thing that you do when someones lights are blinding you. He didn't mess with anything else.
Current husband is not content with that. He moves everything! Not just the rearview and side mirrors, the seat is moved and tilted back. He adjusts the steering wheel, moves my arm rest, and changes my radio station! Because that is not enough aggrevation, he also moves my stuff. By stuff I mean my laptop bag, my coffee carrier, sunglasses etc. I keep my stuff organized in such a way that I can grab it driving 85 while reading my messages without taking my eyes off the road and my phone.
Doesn't he know he is going to cause me to have an accident! Does he care? No! He thinks I should be keeping my eyes on the road to look out for cows. It was only one cow, one time! No, I didn't hit a cow, or any other animal, but I did have to avoid a cow in the road once. You learn to expect things like this when you live in a cornfield.
To add insult to injury he left the van on E. It is 10 miles to the nearest gas station and after I pull out of my driveway the gas light came on. Really!? He must have past 15 gas stations on his way home, but does he stop at one? No! Instead I drive to the gas station hoping I don't run out of gas and end up stranded on a country road with only cows and chickens to keep me company.
Why? Because Boys Are Dumb! My now 5 year old daughter once said this a few year ago and my sister and I latched onto it and use it for anything boy related. My hubby accepts this as his fate in life and doesn't fight it too much around my daughter. He is happy that she thinks boys are dumb. He would like to encourage her to think this way until she is at least 30 and out of his house.
We'll see how well that works out for him. After all she is my daughter so, God help the boys.
November 6, 2009
More Bitching About Work; But Help Needed
I swear my boss is unmedicated bipolar. I can't think of another way to understand or explain her behavior. Everyone in the department has come to understand she has her moods.
One day she will love you and be your best friend, the next it feels like if you ask her about how the traffic was the night before because we stayed very late you are bothering her.
One day she will micro manage to the Nth degree, and want to be consulted on everything, and others, well you know your job so just do it.
Her idea for the direction of the department and expectations of us also change daily.
Monday night she told me that another associate would start taking responsibility for training the temps we are bringing in because I have too much on my plate to and she wants to train me on other things. I celebrated! Its not that I mind trainging, but I do have other things to do.
Tuesday morning with no explaination she tells me that starting Wednesday I would be training the new temp we interviewed and three people from another department that will be helping us get caught up. WTF?
I understand she is under a lot of pressure, and losing Debbie was a huge blow to her both professionally and personally.
Debbie was the one person pretty current on all things system related. I have found a lot of things that I shared with Debbie and the department to make the departments daily jobs easier. Sandie was too busy to learn and that is what she had Debbie for.
Sandie and I both tested everything on the system before the conversion and haven't done half of the things again since the conversion. Like it happens with every system converstion, things have changed. Since Debbie passed, she needs to know these things and has said as much.
We are being audited full scale for the first time on the new system. She needs to know the ins and outs of getting the information since I am busy training and can't devote my time and attention to this as I normally would. During the quarterly audits I drop everything and work exclusively with the auditors. Because I am training I can't this time and she has assumed this responsibility.
Since I am the one that wrote the manuals for all our jobs, I understand I am a logical choice to do the trainging for the new temps. I also understand that I am a logical choice to train as her back up since Debbie is gone. But I can't do both at the same time!
Knowing these things weigh heavy on her, knowing our schedules, and that we both normally eat lunch at our desks, I suggested we do a couple working lunches to share and pool our knoweledge. You would think I asked for her first born. Although, she would probably give him and his bills willingly.
How can the department function like this? Not well I can tell you. The associates don't know which way to turn because it changes from moment to moment. So they turn to me. I don't have as much time as I would like to help them within the confines of my job and It also puts me in the uncomfortable position between her and the department. Which I don't want and isn't helpful or healthy for any of us.
How do I address this with her when she reacts so badly to a friendly invitation to a working lunch? I hold her in very high regard and like her both professionally and personally, but something has got to give!
Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated. It feels like the department is coming apart at the seams and I am out of ways to patch the holes.
One day she will love you and be your best friend, the next it feels like if you ask her about how the traffic was the night before because we stayed very late you are bothering her.
One day she will micro manage to the Nth degree, and want to be consulted on everything, and others, well you know your job so just do it.
Her idea for the direction of the department and expectations of us also change daily.
Monday night she told me that another associate would start taking responsibility for training the temps we are bringing in because I have too much on my plate to and she wants to train me on other things. I celebrated! Its not that I mind trainging, but I do have other things to do.
Tuesday morning with no explaination she tells me that starting Wednesday I would be training the new temp we interviewed and three people from another department that will be helping us get caught up. WTF?
I understand she is under a lot of pressure, and losing Debbie was a huge blow to her both professionally and personally.
Debbie was the one person pretty current on all things system related. I have found a lot of things that I shared with Debbie and the department to make the departments daily jobs easier. Sandie was too busy to learn and that is what she had Debbie for.
Sandie and I both tested everything on the system before the conversion and haven't done half of the things again since the conversion. Like it happens with every system converstion, things have changed. Since Debbie passed, she needs to know these things and has said as much.
We are being audited full scale for the first time on the new system. She needs to know the ins and outs of getting the information since I am busy training and can't devote my time and attention to this as I normally would. During the quarterly audits I drop everything and work exclusively with the auditors. Because I am training I can't this time and she has assumed this responsibility.
Since I am the one that wrote the manuals for all our jobs, I understand I am a logical choice to do the trainging for the new temps. I also understand that I am a logical choice to train as her back up since Debbie is gone. But I can't do both at the same time!
Knowing these things weigh heavy on her, knowing our schedules, and that we both normally eat lunch at our desks, I suggested we do a couple working lunches to share and pool our knoweledge. You would think I asked for her first born. Although, she would probably give him and his bills willingly.
How can the department function like this? Not well I can tell you. The associates don't know which way to turn because it changes from moment to moment. So they turn to me. I don't have as much time as I would like to help them within the confines of my job and It also puts me in the uncomfortable position between her and the department. Which I don't want and isn't helpful or healthy for any of us.
How do I address this with her when she reacts so badly to a friendly invitation to a working lunch? I hold her in very high regard and like her both professionally and personally, but something has got to give!
Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated. It feels like the department is coming apart at the seams and I am out of ways to patch the holes.
November 4, 2009
Stalking Is So Much More Satisfying
I am a bad blogger. I think that is obvious by the few posts that I have managed to put here. I don't post and when I do they are ramblings boring posts mostly about work.
I have come to accept this as my fate. It isn't that I don't want to post or have no ideas about what to post, I can just never manage to actually post them. My draft folder is full of half written posts that never get finished and posted.
I added another one to my draft folder last night. I decided to take a break to gather my thoughts so my post would less like incoherent ramblings and more like a post I think someone would want to read. So I decided to stalk my favorite blogs and found this! (A link to Booshy's blog will be inserted here)
I had to stop the post I was writing and contemplate this one instead.
This post is diected at all of you bloggers that think everyone should be involved in their blogs. I am talking to you Booshy, and Sassy Britches, and Finding Fairy Tales. (links will be put up when I have two seconds uninterrupted on a regular computer)
They come up with these ideas (ok really great ideas) to get everyone to play along. I give you Buff-Tober, Things I Want Thursdays, Radomn Thought Tuesday as a few examples.
I mean what the hell?! Do you really think we want to be a part of your little blog community? Do you think we read your blogs to feel a little less crazy and a little more connected?
Ok so we totally do, but not all of us have the time or self dicipline to do these things on a regular basis.
So instead of devoting my hour and a half drive to work to getting out of my head for a while and stalking other blogs, I end up typing away with one thumb on my blackberry. Writing rambling posts that I never finish, and because I suck and don't have time, never finish and post later.
Ok the never finishing later part is because I haven't taken the time to truely set up my Blackberry (as in connect it to a real computy and learn more then the basics about it even though I got it in February). So even though I can view my draft folder, when I try to edit a post the damn thing never works.
So for all of you whose blogs I stalk and occasionally reply to, stop it! Stop being so damn awesome and coming up with these great ideas to get everyone involved. Don't you know that every time you do these things you make us stalkers\lurkers feel inferior and we don't want to comment because you would then have a link to our pathetic little blogs and would know how much we suck? So again, I say stop it! I don't have time to be as awesome as you!
Hugs and kisses,
Your Number One Stalker
I have come to accept this as my fate. It isn't that I don't want to post or have no ideas about what to post, I can just never manage to actually post them. My draft folder is full of half written posts that never get finished and posted.
I added another one to my draft folder last night. I decided to take a break to gather my thoughts so my post would less like incoherent ramblings and more like a post I think someone would want to read. So I decided to stalk my favorite blogs and found this! (A link to Booshy's blog will be inserted here)
I had to stop the post I was writing and contemplate this one instead.
This post is diected at all of you bloggers that think everyone should be involved in their blogs. I am talking to you Booshy, and Sassy Britches, and Finding Fairy Tales. (links will be put up when I have two seconds uninterrupted on a regular computer)
They come up with these ideas (ok really great ideas) to get everyone to play along. I give you Buff-Tober, Things I Want Thursdays, Radomn Thought Tuesday as a few examples.
I mean what the hell?! Do you really think we want to be a part of your little blog community? Do you think we read your blogs to feel a little less crazy and a little more connected?
Ok so we totally do, but not all of us have the time or self dicipline to do these things on a regular basis.
So instead of devoting my hour and a half drive to work to getting out of my head for a while and stalking other blogs, I end up typing away with one thumb on my blackberry. Writing rambling posts that I never finish, and because I suck and don't have time, never finish and post later.
Ok the never finishing later part is because I haven't taken the time to truely set up my Blackberry (as in connect it to a real computy and learn more then the basics about it even though I got it in February). So even though I can view my draft folder, when I try to edit a post the damn thing never works.
So for all of you whose blogs I stalk and occasionally reply to, stop it! Stop being so damn awesome and coming up with these great ideas to get everyone involved. Don't you know that every time you do these things you make us stalkers\lurkers feel inferior and we don't want to comment because you would then have a link to our pathetic little blogs and would know how much we suck? So again, I say stop it! I don't have time to be as awesome as you!
Hugs and kisses,
Your Number One Stalker
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)