Mommy Guilt

I actually left work on time today! It is such a freak occurrence that I feel like I am getting away with something. What prompted this you ask? I am tired of the mommy guilt.
I took Buckaroo to the doctor on Tuesday for his 3 year check up which was two months late. I had to fight to get the time off work; which I will write about when I am not so damn pissed off!
I dropped Angel Cakes at Daycare like normal which led Buckaroo to think that he got a pass on Daycare for the day. Let the guilt begin as I try to explain that 'No, you don't get to stay home with Mommy after the doctor. You have to go to Daycare after the doctors so Mommy can work'.
Buckaroo did great with the doctor though. He is healthy and growing and gaining weight despite eating next to nothing on a daily basis. He took his flu shot without a sound! The doctor decided to do a blood test to check for bee allergies which required them to take a full vial of blood from his arm. Buckaroo was not happy! It is really hard to hold your child while they poke him with a needle that seemed almost as big as he is. Add that to the mommy guilt!
We drove through McDonald's for breakfast and of course it is one with a play land! 'No Honey, we can't go play. Mommy has to go to work' We got to Daycare and he cried! He was all out sobbing as I handed him to the daycare lady and left. Mommy guilt!
Wednesday night I got home at 8 PM and the kids were already fed; I got to be the good mom for a change and give them dessert! There was no fighting as we got ready for bed, they took turns reading their favorite counting story. Right after the book they laid right down for story time where I babble on about whatever adventure pops into my head for a little boy and girl. They were both asleep by 10 PM which is almost unheard of in my house. I was asleep by 10:30 and got to sleep in until 5:30 the next day since I had time to get the backpacks prepared the night before. (Another unheard of occurrence in my house.)
The next day as I was recounting what a wonderful night I had, I remembered a time back before my work took over my life and this was the norm. The norm was not fighting with my husband about how long I am gone from the house. The kids understood that we ate at the table all together, and eating in the living room only happened when we were having a picnic on rainy days. They put their toys away because the house was clean and they liked it to stay that way. They didn't have to cling to mommy when she was trying to make dinner because they knew that I as soon as I could I would take them on my lap and snuggle them until they were all done and ran off to play.The normal was not going to bed wishing that I had time to read to them before we all fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I didn't go to bed thinking 'Tomorrow I am going to be a better mommy. Tomorrow I will take the time to listen, play a game with them, and not feel like I spent the entire time I was with them yelling at them for one thing or the other.'
In that moment I decided to let go of the mommy guilt and get back to being their mommy.I know that every day is not going to be perfect, but I can at least enjoy them while they are still young enough that they have no choice about spending time with me instead of letting myself be consumed by the mommy guilt.