A Special Kind Of Crazy

I draft almost all my posts on my BlackBerry. I can write where ever I happen to be or have a spare second. This is all to the good. So why don't I post more?


Because I write and rewrite and edit and pretty up my damn posts so much it takes a couple of days to write a post. But I know you appreciate all my hard work so that makes it all worth while.

Actually I write and rewrite my posts so much and frequently because of my vocabulary. At least once a month my hubby or co-worker will look at me like huh? and ask my to explain what I just said in layman terms. I just use what my Grammy used to call $5 words in conversation. I don't consciously do it. I think in these terms so why wouldn't I use them while talking?

This becomes a problem when I am writing though. I will be typing away and look down to see garbled words staring back at me. I may have a great vocabulary, but I am a horrible speller. I will try to get the spell check and word recognition to understand what I am trying to say. But I normally just give up and have to rewrite the sentence with words my blackberry I and agree on the spelling of.

I am cursed with a stream of thought writing style so I write exactly what I am thinking. I've tried hard to train myself into a more organized writing style to no avail. So having to edit and second guess everything I am writing just disrupts the flow and then I struggle to get my thoughts out.

This also leads me to just putting the sentences down kinda willy nilly and then I have to go back later to put them in a more cohesive order. Arghhh!

My frustration with this reached a new level today while messaging a friend I haven't talked to in about a year.

I use sarcasm as a matter of course. It is just how I talk. It is as much a part of me as my blue eyes. Between fighting to spell stuff right and editing my thoughts, not hearing the tone in my replies, there was quite a few times I had to go back and explain what I really meant.

At one point I actually told him that he got out of the habit of putting everything through the 'Jaime' filter. As in take a moment and think about what I'm saying\you're reading and think about what you know of my personality. Then you will understand what I was really trying to say and how I meant to say it.

It makes it very hard when I meet new people. They don't have a 'Jaime' filter so most of the time I feel like they don't really understand me or what I am trying to say. I end up editing myself more and then something in the whole conversation just seems lost.

I really envy those who can get their thoughts across in type as well as they can in person. Maybe someday I will become one of them.

A girl can dream right?